Ghosting - Convenient and Cruel

"The term ghosting refers to abruptly ending communication with someone without explanation."  - Bloomberg Law, September 29, 2022.

Ever since email, texting, DMing, the surge of content in the Creator Economy, and more, we have been in communications overwhelm. So, it has been convenient to default into ghosting. That is, simply looping out of all that. No, we don't reply. Not in a professional situation. Not in a personal one. And, despite all the messaging from the other parties we stick to that. There are tech-facilitation tools to help that along such as blocking, unfriending, and deleting followers. 

In so many ways, all that makes perfect sense. We don't explain ourselves. Pleasepleaseplease, leave us alone to attend to our business and to live our little lives.

Ghosting, though, is not value-free. Mixed in with the convenience can be cruelty. Actually, delivering pain can be the objective. If that is the intention, it is brutally effective.

What I do is intuitive career coaching. The focus is on professional matters. Not personal relationships. However, increasingly during the session clients introduce a subtext: A romantic partner or even a close friend has halted communication with them. As a result, they are both puzzled and hurt. 

In that , the issues are not only that they are being ghosted but how they themselves will respond to not being responded to. 

What has become typical and ineffective is continuing to contact the other parties about not contacting them. If the "game" is about inflicting heartache, such a gesture represents a victory for the non-responders. As I put it with some clients: The other party is probably smugly smirking. 

The odds are better for dealing with the emotional distress if human beings are receptive to accepting what is. Should there be concrete matters pending such as returning property or paying for X or Y, then it might be downright necessary to have a lawyer or even law enforcement parachute in.

In this era when ghosting is accelerating, those who make it their business to not-ghost – that is, be there in communications - can and do gain the edge. 

Dale Carnegie instructor and coach Michael Francoeur not only teaches that interaction fundamental in seminars. His signature is responsiveness. Of course, that helps develop new business as well as enhance both the Dale Carnegie and his personal brand. In addition, it shakes loose referrals from clients as well as enrolling in more courses. Francoeur provides services both in-person and remote.

Let's now swing over to the legal sector. In that industry is a dog fight for new business as well as ramped-up client churn. There Paul Weiss chairperson Brad Karp is known as the rainmaker. No coincidence, clients know him as Mr. Communicator, in all mediums - voice, in-person, video, and digital. Here is an example from SuperLawyers: 

“'I assume he [Karp] doesn’t sleep,' says Citigroup General Counsel and Corporate Secretary Michael Helfer. 'Somehow, he’s always available when I call, and he has this great talent for making you feel like you’re the only client he’s working with.'”

Annually Karp brings in about 20 new accounts.

Obviously ghosting and not-ghosting have evolved into multi-purpose communications strategies. That should mean comprehensive analysis of the implications. Usually, though, there is little thought about the tradeoffs for the convenience or how the harshness can harden one's own heart.

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