Tears, Behind the Closed Door - What Professional, Both Male and Female, Hasn't Done What Sonia Sotomayor Says She Did

Closing our door in the work setting and crying. At a Harvard event honoring her US Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayer admits she has done that, several times.

That is typical behavior in knowledge work and it is gender-neutral. (In blue-collar niches distress is usually signaled more openly and directly.)

For example, one male associate I coached shared how he had the sense to close the door at his elite law firm before the tears just flowed. He had been given an assignment by a partner, with a deadline, with no guidance how to go about it. Eventually he figured it out but the bout of crying had drained him. That experience remained vivid in his memory bank.

Throughout the floors of the prestigous trophy skyscrapers in Manhattan there are narratives of, yes, men and also women sobbing in the restrooms after they had been fired. The sad part of those sagas? Reflecting on that experience they felt "lucky" they had made it out of the termination interview intact and could "hold it" until they were in a stall in a restroom.  

At a Fortune 50, after an abusive manager reprimanded me, you bet, I sought the privacy of my office to cry. That wasn't the first time. I had with me the makeup to repair the damage and emerge with a tear-free appearance. 

Overall, crying in public in a professional setting remains verboten. Those bearing witness don't forget that. There is a high probability it will be held against you. That's because it's disruptive. Capitalism has to move along smoothly, no matter what. 

Takeaway: Know yourself enough that you can anticipate crying and quickly seek out private space. 

Limiting beliefs? Self-defeating? Stuck? Complimentary consultation with Coach/Tarot Reader Jane Genova (text/phone 203-468-8579, janegenova374@gmail.com)