Nothing to See Here, Folks - Your Right to Your Secrets

 If you stream enough you've clicked on those noir films in which individuals ("Smoke") and whole villages ("Wetherby") harbor deadly secrets. The message is clearly: Secrets are dangerous. 

That motif was played up big during the late 1960s counterculture. Parents, university professors/staff, corporations, government, everyone in your orbit and you were pushed to disclose secrets. Let it all hang out. That will be good for you. And for all the rest of us. The Oprah tribes reinforced the wild sharing ethos.

Residues of that often inappropriate openness remain. And, as I tutor my clients, letting it all hang out can get you into serious trouble in romantic relationships, in close friendships, in commercial transactions, in how the medical system treats you and in your career. 

The good news: When pressured for voluntary disclosures there are smooth ways to indicate: Nothing to see here, folks. Get it: You have a right to your secrets. 

Moreover, our legal system allows you to pay the elite lawyers at Kirkland & Ellis, Jones Day, Paul Weiss, Simpson and more to keep them from operating against you. 

In overwhelm to confide? 

There are other protected contexts which legally provide the odds that the material will be treated confidentially. But understand there are no guarantees. Check out ChatGPT for those.

And there are those contexts which might create the illusion of a trusting environment but, as ChatGPT also itemizes, are not. They include:

Workplace HR. Incidentally, before you disclose anyone else's secrets be aware that organizations don't like the boat being rocked. Leave management to the managers. Also you can sued for defamation. 

Financial Institutions. Your financial advisor is not your friend. 

Healthcare providers prescribing controlled substances.

Digital communications. They can be subpoenaed.

Be especially wary of the we-are-your-protectors grapevines at work. With the labor market clogged for hiring and promotions and layoffs standard, they are operating on steroids. There can be mob pressure to contribute secrets, yours or those of superiors, co-workers and subordinates. 

Soon enough you're sitting, as in an interrogation room in a B-movie, answering questions by HR, a law firm contracted to investigate and more about the whatevers. Given the stress, you might actually blurt out about yourself what the organization has no right to know and which, of course, can be used against you.

I bear witness in my coaching to that kind of pickle workers and even management have gotten into. How to prevent it?

1) Know you have a right to non-disclosure. That extends to your troubled marriage. That can block you from a promotion. They figure you're distracted. 

2) Practice conversational tactics to deter further questioning. The burden is on you to change the subject.

3) Keep your nose clean and don't spill others' secrets to gain power and influence on grapevines. 

A classic on the ethics of concealment and revelation and the implications is Sissela Bok's "Secrets." In intimate relationships what we disclose can indicate the strength of that bonding. If we begin holding back that could signal it's fraying. I apply that very test is assessing where I am with old friends. 

Thrown off your game, maybe the first time since you started working? You made all the right moves and then the world moved in another direction.

Intuitive Coaching. Special expertise with transitions, reskilling and aging. Psychic/tarot readings, upon request. Complimentary consultation with Jane Genova (Text 203-468-8579, janegenova374@gmail.com). Yes, test out the chemistry. There’s no risk.