That Awful Compliment Sandwich - It Still Dominates Feedback (so ineffectively)

"Your Gen-Z Employee Isn’t Fooled by Your Compliment Sandwich" - Headline in The Wall Street Journal, August 1, 2024

Actually, the Compliment Sandwich has been around long enough that it doesn't dupe any generation, including us Boomers, into not recognizing that criticism is being dished out. Surprisingly it's still common today. Recently when I briefly had been part of Toastmasters I, as an evaluator, was instructed to pack together three compliments for three bits of negatives, then end on a high note. 

That evaluation device essentially consists of inserting the negative feedback between an opening of praise and a wrapup of praise. 

An example would be:

"John, you are one of the most talented content-creators to come to this agency. We lucked out in recruiting you. However, your direct style of interaction has been alienating clients and your co-workers in this agency. Recently our number-one account has notified us that they will no longer work with you. We are investing in you by assigning a coach. That will ensure you have a bright future here." 

Most of us have received some version of that kind of input, usually when it came time for the formal performance evaluation. In my own experience as an employee, in my coaching and in reading professional anonymous network posts I have never encountered a situation when that approach neutralized the horrific impact. Most reel for days, months or even years. Some immediately start job-hunting.

A more effective approach is to provide feedback that changes behavior without a lasting ego blow? Be respectful and caring, the way the Good Mother is. 

An example of the Good Mother kind of course correction:

"John, you are hurting yourself and the team and all of us who love you when you 'give up.'  There is always another game for you to win. We know you. You will also have many other things in your life and school and jobs for you to win. We all lose. I lost my first baby. But I didn't give up on having children, did I ..."

Bluntly put, we can smell the Sandwich a mile away. Our response? We usually shut down, rejecting the negative feedback. Instead, be straight. Be loving. My first editor in the private sector cared about me and cared about the quality of speechwriting. I never ever realized until after I have done a total rewrite that was what he had somehow instructed me to do. Watchers of the situation attributed my success to his mentoring. 

In business and life you usually have only one shot at whatever. Up the odds of success with Jane Genova. I am an intuitive coach, tarot reader and content-creator. Complimentary consultation (please text/phone 203-468-8579 or email janegenova374@gmail.com)