John F. Kennedy and Son, Compared to Martha, Leon and Matt

"I am well-liked."

That is how just about every client starts out in our coaching session focused on why they didn't get the promotion. They rule out not-being-liked. 

John F. Kennedy and Son

It's no longer a secret that likability is a critical component of much of professional success. Maybe that's a result of Dan Goleman's 1995 book on how Emotional Intelligence usually overrides high IQ in helping us get what we want. 

But we boomers may have realized that years earlier when we found out that our beloved John F. Kennedy had only a bit-above-average IQ. Although his son likely did not even have that much cognitive stuff going for him, he was America's Prince.

Oh, Martha, Leon and Matt

Not being liked tends not to end well. 

Smartest in the room Martha Stewart might have gone to prison because she was so unlikable. Watch the Netflix documentary "Martha." 

Would Friend of Jeffrey (Epstein) Leon Black not have taken it on the chin so brutally had he been more likable? After all, Jeffrey had many many friends such as former US President Bill Clinton who sailed through much of the Epstein fallout. 

One reason disgraced former "Today"host Matt Lauer hasn't had a comeback is probably because we don't like the guy. Can he make it back to "Today" to replace Hoda Kotb by making himself likable? Call in the image-makers. 

Of Course, in Business ...

So the answer to the query on Fishbowl Consulting about how much weight does likability have on a performance review was predictable: 

"Very high (indirectly)… as strong client relationships a key factor in our business if you can not be 'likeable' internally then leaders will wonder how you could ever be with clients…"

Selective Likability

But in some contexts, the liking doesn't have to be universal. In elite law firms senior partners might not be liked by associates or even junior partners. However, they build strong warm bonds with clients, prospects whose business they need, media and the official firm leadership. 

That principle of what could be called "selective likability" was hammered by sociologist Erving Goffman in 1959 in "The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life," decades before Goleman's book "Emotional Intelligence." Essentially Goffman's message is that life is a stage and those who do well, including the thriving village butcher, know exactly they have to put on a face and what face to put on for which constituency.

Life is hard. Business is more difficult these days. Get answers – and relief. Jane Genova is a results-driven confidential intuitive coach, tarot reader and content-creator related to careers. Complimentary consultation (please text/phone 203-468-8579 or email janegenova374@gmail.com)