The Myth of Authenticity - Of Course, You Can Never Be Yourself

The world is full of underachievers in careers and failures in intimate relationships. One version of that syndrome is those who followed the cracker-barrel advice to just be themselves. Such misleading guidance has been reinforced with the current meme of authenticity. 

It's finally coming out of the closet that it is not only not smart to try to be yourself. But that it's also impossible. We human beings have many selves. 

That's exactly why there is a flight into psychotherapy when the selves are in conflict. Or attendance at spiritual retreats. 

For example, there is the ambitious self which can be at war with the self which feels a need to be a rebel. It might have been Ryan Powers' ambitious self which got him through Harvard Law School. But then his activist self kicked in and he was fired at law firm Davis Polk allegedly for publishing anti-Trump opinion pieces. Did he lose control over the outspoken self? 

In intimate relationships there is the self which wants companionship and the self which longs for being totally self-sufficient. 

Obviously, those selves have to be managed to provide a smooth - or authentic - persona. The ambitious executive who can't edit in their performance art the self which is convinced it is superior to all others will be doomed. Just consider how their public speaking will be received as off-putting. They're the ones sent by their employers to coaches such as myself. 

Unsmooth renditions of selves not only confuse others, making them frustrated that you can't be sized up. That ham-handed performance art is scary. What are we dealing with here, folks in that orbit wonder. There's an unknown entity in their midst.

Success is totally about learning to shift gears among the selves skillfully. 

As a coach for a women's basketball team you are the good mentor. You have to be cautious in introducing the self that requires wins to establish your brandname as a coach and even keep your job. 

In her publications and speaking engagements American Buddhist nun Pema Chodron is open about having to manage all her selves. Those include the one who needs to continue her success as a writer, despite the demands that makes on her health.

Some big names in the legal sector such as John Tarantino, Brad Karp and Mickey Pohl showcase their complexity as human beings. They let us know there is more to them than just brilliant legal minds. 

In contrast, one wonders if ousted from "Late Night" Stephen Colbert realizes he is tarnishing his legacy by shifting gears in persona so wildly? Can his fans handle that?

If your mother understood the world she told you that you have to learn to control what you put out there in terms of behavior. Yes, the intersection of the many selves. One client who had such a mother put it this way: Mom said nobody cares a rat's ass who I think I am or what I feel I am or who I want to be like. All they experience is my behavior. 

Rattled, maybe the first time since you started working? Faith-based Coaching. Special expertise with transitions, reskilling and aging. Psychic/tarot readings, upon request. Complimentary consultation with Jane Genova (Text 203-468-8579, janegenova374@gmail.com). Yes, test out the chemistry.