Why Networking Has Become So Hard/Ineffective: America Loses Its Interaction Muscle

To get work. To get ahead at work. To start a business. To keep that enterprise rolling. All require networking - that is, the effective kind in which you can motivate other human beings to help you. 

But, obviously networking isn't going so hot. Just read Reddit about chronic joblessness and not enough business for small businesses. Either those needing that connection are backing away from even trying to engage or are screwing it up (worsening their situation by presenting themselves as pests).

This year, two bits of provocative insight have come our way about this.

One is the recent study conducted by Talkspace. Essentially when relationships feel difficult, Talkspace found, folks are cutting them off and rarely going back. No talking it through. 

The result is the loss of what we might think of as our "interaction muscle." It withers from the lack of practice. For instance, gone is the skill in how to assert boundaries in a conversation. So-and-so says something you experience as offensive. You no longer speak up in an effective way that might deepen the relationship. Instead, you cut them off. And that's that. 

The other finding is that, in this time of overwhelm, there's no patience with troubles talk. Years ago, confiding our pain used to be a bonding ritual. Ah, how nice that people trust me. 

Now, as The Atlantic documents, it can close down a relationship. No way, we don't want to hear that. Actually most can't handle hearing that.

Extend that reality to networking: No one wants to absorb the stress of your struggles. Unless you can bring happy clappy stuff, refrain from entering their orbit. Inexperienced in how to reframe a conversation to positive, the complainers are locked out. 

Technology accelerates this trend. Unfriend. Block. Don't answer the voice call or text. 

How to rebuild America's interactional muscle? Reach back to the fundamental in the teachings of human-relations genius Dale Carnegie, success templates of rainmakers such as Paul, Weiss partner Brad Karp and the mode of research established by Sigmund Freud: Listen. 

To have something to listen to, ask casual questions about the other person, while showing you are authentically interested. Believe me, they're the ones who will do the talking. Soon enough, you're navigating relationships as smoothly and deeply as back in college. 

Spread the net widely. Rather than keeping your nose in your phone at the airport or in the waiting room of the DMV, interact with a human. In the 1970s academic researcher on networking Mark Granovetter discovered the power of weak ties. That is, most professional opportunities result from acknowledging the presence of those not in our usual business circles. That's because:

The usual suspects are competing with us. They might not share information about an opening.

Casual acquaintances travel in very different circles than the same-old. They pick up intel about developing opportunities. Joe the security guard has been alerted of a mass firing in the consulting firm on the 34th floor. You can get in early on pitching your services.

Weak ties have access to insider insights. They might know exactly how to approach the managing partner in the law firm. The usual suspects might be stuck in approaching that power source as a sun god.

In-person is back, too. I have moved the needle on getting lots of things done through people by coming on in the spiritual shop or auto repair shop, with a box of Dunkin' Munchkins. If the stakes are high, it's a bottle of wine.  In client work, I won't accept anyone classifying themselves as an "introvert" or "shy." Stop all that. Be a people. 

Earning a Good Living in 2026 Involves Mental Combat. The enemy is usually your own thinking.

Complimentary consultation. No Pressure. Solid Guidance. Contact Jane Genova janegenova374@gmail.com.